I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
