i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
