I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize