There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
