My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
