i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
