i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
