White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
