Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found your dick twin last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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