Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
