After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize