I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You're like the curious george of whores
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
