I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry about my life...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize