I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize