I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The feeling are messing with the penis
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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