No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
