his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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