I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize