it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
