My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
