I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
