Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
