My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
try to milk me bitch
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