Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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