at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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