thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
