Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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