Texts From Last Night · Zelrios's Favorites

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Zelrios's Favorites Texts:

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(740): View more from Ohio

She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.

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(305): View more from Florida

MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

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(845): View more from New York

alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

Fav 16 9052 1680
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(631): View more from New York

This beer is not sobering me up at all

Fav 13 8181 1576
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

Fav 32 18760 1880
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(330): View more from Ohio

so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

(216): View more from Ohio

i hate you

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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