Texts From Last Night · jub1lee's Favorites

Sorry virginiawolf63 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

jub1lee's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(727): View more from Florida

Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?

Fav 4 2192 855
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.

Fav 17 2584 925
share tweet

(309): View more from Illinois

Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.

Fav 8 2487 1491
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours

Fav 8 3578 1006
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?

Fav 12 2681 1105
share tweet
(510): View more from California

Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.

Fav 16 2733 1102
share tweet

(646): View more from New York

Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B

Fav 12 3230 1126
share tweet

(563): View more from Iowa

I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

Fav 10 2480 997
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.

Fav 9 2216 851
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension

Fav 12 2009 1075
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.

Fav 4 1057 1025
share tweet

(573): View more from Missouri

I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...

Fav 8 3558 1032
share tweet

(843): View more from South Carolina

My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"

Fav 16 2767 905
share tweet
(209): View more from California

We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.

(1-209): View more from California

Duh.

Fav 5 2333 815
share tweet

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

Fav 8 6592 1185
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level

Fav 11 4117 1093
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha

Fav 7 2815 1419
share tweet
(818): View more from California

Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

Fav 61 17234 1496
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!

Fav 11 1552 822
share tweet
(989): View more from Michigan

My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

Fav 12 2962 1034
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.

Fav 4 961 1565
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.

Fav 16 3687 948
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Why are you speaking in third person?

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.

Fav 5 3632 1114
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.

Fav 16 4065 1371
share tweet
(910): View more from North Carolina

He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

Fav 6 1360 1592
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.

Fav 7 3641 1087
share tweet
(940): View more from Texas

Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers

Fav 14 4439 1248
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

Fav 8 2306 1365
share tweet
(505): View more from New Mexico

We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

Fav 12 3242 937
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

Fav 8 4333 1237
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

Fav 7 2716 1321
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

Fav 9 4144 1312
share tweet
(530): View more from California

I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

Fav 7 2318 1258
share tweet
(705): View more from Ontario

I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...

Fav 25 2805 1365
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.

Fav 11 2315 1552
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.

Fav 26 9661 1375
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace

Fav 8 3009 978
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

Fav 23 4718 1333
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.

Fav 20 3974 1740
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.

Fav 9 2273 934
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

Fav 20 3817 1302
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

Fav 13 3165 1011
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.

Fav 7 2427 1209
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.

Fav 9 2934 1060
share tweet
(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.

Fav 25 4368 1687
share tweet
(289): View more from Ontario

Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

Fav 17 5756 1341
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

Fav 23 5158 1377
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.

Fav 4 3124 1013
share tweet
(865): View more from Tennessee

Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

Fav 6 2655 1344
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.

Fav 19 3523 1576
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.

Fav 8 4349 1416
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Hopefully she would park on my face.

Fav 21 6690 1358
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.

Fav 10 3400 1279
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

Fav 3 2647 940
share tweet
(925): View more from California

After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome

Fav 10 4301 1598
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

Fav 5 2731 950
share tweet
(620): View more from Kansas

He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.

Fav 16 4404 1236
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.

Fav 21 4742 1526
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

Fav 19 4291 1418
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

Fav 8 4303 1354
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.

Fav 5 1948 1025
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man

Fav 10 2985 998
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.

Fav 10 4022 1470
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

Fav 12 7660 1674
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

Fav 4 2785 1130
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.

Fav 19 3204 1417
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'

Fav 22 2190 3731
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.

Fav 13 3652 1341
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

Fav 13 4570 1349
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

Fav 20 4699 2326
share tweet
(623): View more from Arizona

just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.

(623): View more from Arizona

and by single i mean slutty

Fav 12 3854 1328
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.

Fav 24 7714 1406
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.

Fav 6 2962 1360
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

Fav 15 3939 1053
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

he has the hands of the vagina gods.

Fav 12 4898 1283
share tweet
(707): View more from California

She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.

Fav 17 4997 1283
share tweet
(719): View more from Colorado

You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

Fav 19 3585 1663
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

Fav 33 6584 1800
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary

Fav 9 2568 1217
share tweet
(530): View more from California

I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.

Fav 29 4612 1434
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

Fav 11 4524 1542
share tweet
(559): View more from California

can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.

Fav 16 6239 1308
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

Fav 9 5652 1732
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.

Fav 39 3233 5482
share tweet
(763): View more from Minnesota

Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

Fav 3 3036 1079
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.

Fav 8 3140 1268
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.

Fav 30 3835 1898
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?

Fav 4 2689 1310
share tweet
(415): View more from California

She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

Fav 34 5974 1506
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish

Fav 14 4661 1049
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

Fav 20 7666 1295
share tweet
(208): View more from Idaho

I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work

Fav 20 2096 3463
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

Fav 32 7821 1350
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.

Fav 7 2867 1520
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

and then he started using my ass as a stressball

Fav 16 3861 1675
share tweet
(913): View more from Kansas

Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now

Fav 35 7770 1255
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"

Fav 14 5681 1198
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart

Fav 21 5591 1288
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.

Fav 18 6597 1948
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon

Fav 10 3346 1388
share tweet
(504): View more from Louisiana

Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.

Fav 7 3166 964
share tweet
(409): View more from Texas

just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome

Fav 4 1759 2495
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

Fav 16 5196 1372
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".

Fav 25 5311 1535
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

Fav 9 3690 1273
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

Fav 2 3508 1530
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

Fav 3 3107 1190
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.

Fav 21 8525 1265
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.

Fav 6 1099 3905
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.

Fav 25 5001 1456
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

Fav 30 8578 1586
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

Fav 25 9878 1328
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.

Fav 26 7573 1151
share tweet
(316): View more from Kansas

The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

Fav 54 9139 2027
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

Fav 10 6804 1372
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

Fav 15 7451 1471
share tweet
(309): View more from Illinois

I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.

Fav 5 5066 1231
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

Fav 25 7948 1235
share tweet
(260): View more from Indiana

You told him you loved him!?

(1-260): View more from Indiana

I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.

Fav 6 2952 1226
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?

Fav 8 1257 2771
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.

Fav 5 1207 3695
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

(1-516): View more from New York

yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

(516): View more from New York

Do you have to put it that way?

Fav 21 6623 1328
share tweet
(931): View more from Tennessee

I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.

Fav 20 1889 4869
share tweet
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

Fav 14 5716 2917
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.

Fav 8 1442 2948
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.

Fav 7 6402 1626
share tweet
(760): View more from California

It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.

Fav 13 6150 1315
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls

Fav 9 1599 3126
share tweet
(559): View more from California

Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

Fav 13 7350 1282
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

Fav 41 1431 3404
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

Fav 49 8103 1612
share tweet
(501): View more from Arkansas

Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.

Fav 15 4548 1215
share tweet
(661): View more from California

I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...

Fav 11 3937 1159
share tweet
(250): View more from British Columbia

When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?

Fav 23 5705 1607
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

Fav 15 6297 1346
share tweet
(925): View more from California

I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

Fav 29 6459 1594
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.

Fav 22 4648 1758
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

Fav 37 2549 8179
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

(413): View more from Massachusetts

how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

Fav 10 6015 1319
share tweet
(865): View more from Tennessee

She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

Fav 23 8662 1326
share tweet
(229): View more from Georgia

He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

Fav 12 6933 1448
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

Fav 14 7169 1606
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life

Fav 6 6631 1168
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

Fav 12 8022 1327
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.

Fav 10 4682 1254
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

Fav 41 8978 2980
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.

Fav 23 5330 1481
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

Fav 19 6090 1674
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

Fav 20 9287 2026
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.

Fav 13 1189 4818
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

Fav 7 4569 1595
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

Fav 17 5781 1368
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

Fav 24 8297 1928
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

did u get his digits?

(201): View more from New Jersey

yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...

Fav 8 5378 1322
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

Fav 21 12653 1637
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

Fav 17 4448 1225
share tweet