Texts From Last Night · sorogirl

Sorry bostonbiatch hasn't picked any favorites yet.

sorogirl_2point0's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(623): View more from Arizona

You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'

(1-623): View more from Arizona

I thought I could.

Fav 4 3501 1005
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

Fav 131 32857 3009
share tweet

(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

Fav 101 35346 4429
share tweet
(386): View more from Florida

after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

Fav 60 37317 1625
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.

Fav 7 1524 793
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

I feel strange, like something is off with my body

(1-604): View more from British Columbia

Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days

Fav 3 1896 806
share tweet

(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.

Fav 4 1662 738
share tweet

(817): View more from Texas

I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.

Fav 2 761 1172
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night

Fav 6 2191 705
share tweet
(250): View more from British Columbia

We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

Fav 13 3796 1153
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

(1-801): View more from Utah

There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

(801): View more from Utah

alright see you in the morning.

Fav 47 19511 1279
share tweet

(916): View more from California

I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

Fav 5 3025 1299
share tweet

(248): View more from Michigan

Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here

Fav 7 3011 1208
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

Fav 11 4958 1501
share tweet

(765): View more from Indiana

I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.

Fav 4 3421 930
share tweet
(957): View more from

I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.

Fav 9 6193 1398
share tweet
(916): View more from California

craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

Fav 16 8965 1553
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday

Fav 8 2963 1930
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

Fav 8 3984 1140
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".

Fav 8 2781 1206
share tweet
(707): View more from California

I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

(1-707): View more from California

is that even a sentence?

Fav 13 3605 1448
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

did you find a tooth?

(254): View more from Texas

did you lose one?

Fav 16 3939 1702
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

Fav 11 2893 1135
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.

Fav 6 2279 1056
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.

(856): View more from New Jersey

Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits

Fav 19 5576 1229
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.

Fav 3 1880 1032
share tweet
(574): View more from Indiana

Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

Fav 6 3177 1017
share tweet
(347): View more from New York

his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.

Fav 9 3658 1162
share tweet
(661): View more from California

fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.

Fav 5 3642 891
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.

Fav 22 1407 3486
share tweet
(654): View more from

And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

Fav 5 2632 1114
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation

Fav 7 2332 1081
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?

Fav 6 3525 1551
share tweet
(810): View more from Michigan

It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

Fav 7 3625 1656
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

Fav 16 3452 1479
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

Fav 8 4304 1355
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

Fav 27 3089 1724
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .

Fav 13 3944 1728
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.

Fav 10 2881 1301
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.

Fav 11 1112 2589
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

Fav 13 3672 1066
share tweet
(907): View more from Alaska

He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

Fav 15 4771 1261
share tweet
(270): View more from Kentucky

My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.

Fav 15 5318 1393
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

Fav 6 3408 1295
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.

Fav 7 4373 1193
share tweet
(586): View more from Michigan

I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.

Fav 1 2298 1044
share tweet
(618): View more from Illinois

Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.

Fav 5 1294 2044
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.

Fav 3 3822 1440
share tweet
(205): View more from Alabama

You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

Fav 3 2475 1000
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?

Fav 7 3179 1118
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.

Fav 9 4079 1226
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.

Fav 7 1362 2735
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

Fav 3 3090 1149
share tweet
(925): View more from California

Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

Fav 14 4266 1232
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.

Fav 22 6397 1561
share tweet
(501): View more from Arkansas

These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.

Fav 7 3676 1329
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?

Fav 10 2316 1591
share tweet
(415): View more from California

What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.

Fav 9 1213 2207
share tweet
(915): View more from Texas

I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.

Fav 5 3418 1167
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college

Fav 5 3947 1019
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''

Fav 22 7631 1298
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.

Fav 5 3175 1601
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect

Fav 1 2598 1296
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.

Fav 8 1813 2978
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

Fav 19 6206 1572
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times

Fav 7 3260 1441
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob

Fav 2 2789 1167
share tweet
(989): View more from Michigan

He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

Fav 6 5735 1504
share tweet
(504): View more from Louisiana

This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.

Fav 5 1164 3046
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

Fav 8 5413 1244
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

Fav 7 4144 1276
share tweet
(763): View more from Minnesota

Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.

Fav 11 2479 1147
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

Fav 22 6578 1398
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

Did everyone make it back alive?

(309): View more from Illinois

You say that with such hope.

(217): View more from Illinois

Is that a no?

Fav 3 3610 1286
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

Fav 6 4108 1448
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.

Fav 13 6141 1370
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

Fav 10 1649 3925
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.

Fav 4 1392 2790
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

Fav 24 5348 1384
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

Fav 20 3738 1642
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

Fav 12 4980 1519
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

Fav 10 3870 1319
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.

Fav 1 3906 1152
share tweet
(253): View more from Washington

We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.

Fav 6 3982 1342
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

Fav 9 1717 3800
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars

Fav 10 5267 1406
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.

Fav 14 5498 1905
share tweet
(562): View more from California

I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

Fav 6 3064 1436
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.

Fav 8 3782 1600
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

Fav 23 6366 1891
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...

Fav 10 2579 1248
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands

(845): View more from New York

i made a dollar

Fav 7 4027 1718
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you

Fav 2 2333 1113
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.

Fav 9 2712 1246
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.

Fav 12 4214 1472
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.

Fav 14 3542 1375
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?

Fav 12 4025 1581
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.

Fav 9 3554 1647
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...

Fav 8 2246 1170
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.

Fav 6 3993 1269
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.

Fav 7 2909 915
share tweet
(517): View more from Michigan

I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

Fav 10 6098 1413
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"

Fav 10 5676 1582
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.

Fav 8 3633 1479
share tweet
(205): View more from Alabama

She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.

Fav 10 1852 2989
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

Fav 24 8761 1373
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?

Fav 35 2600 1148
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

Fav 15 6611 1403
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

Fav 10 3565 1271
share tweet
(605): View more from South Dakota

just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?

Fav 10 5480 1137
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

Fav 6 3425 1148
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"

Fav 4 4408 1145
share tweet
(423): View more from Tennessee

I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.

Fav 10 3296 1401
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

Fav 5 5725 1386
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

Fav 11 6570 1460
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"

Fav 9 3423 1480
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays

Fav 7 2090 938
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted

Fav 18 4744 1120
share tweet
(251): View more from Alabama

I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.

(478): View more from Georgia

Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.

Fav 13 3149 1399
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools

Fav 2 3520 1030
share tweet
(647): View more from Ontario

Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

Fav 5 1578 4228
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

Fav 50 18542 1573
share tweet
(574): View more from Indiana

Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.

Fav 12 4108 1360
share tweet
(325): View more from Texas

The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

Fav 11 1457 3319
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you

Fav 16 4928 1392
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

(540): View more from Virginia

You guys make me sad

(703): View more from Virginia

You misspelled jealous there

Fav 23 12232 1872
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

(1-801): View more from Utah

We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

(801): View more from Utah

I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

Fav 31 7487 1151
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

Fav 28 11498 1767
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

Fav 10 4802 1685
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

Fav 11 8060 1429
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.

Fav 12 3998 1588
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

Fav 33 11429 1594
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

Fav 5 1229 3000
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

Fav 4 3765 1548
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

Fav 30 7831 3211
share tweet
(606): View more from Kentucky

Do they take checks?

(1-606): View more from Kentucky

Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?

Fav 18 5367 2038
share tweet
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ask politely.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats good enough.

Fav 62 14044 1746
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

Fav 25 7206 2121
share tweet
(619): View more from California

he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days

Fav 10 5154 1531
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

Fav 6 5977 1385
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

Fav 31 6228 1728
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

Fav 52 10724 1661
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

Fav 23 5255 1246
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

Fav 298 76383 3434
share tweet
(559): View more from California

So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

(1-559): View more from California

That depends on who this is.

Fav 42 15248 2560
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

your tears are not going to buy me drinks...

Fav 14 1353 4007
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

wtf

(1-225): View more from Louisiana

I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

Fav 12 4560 1749
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

Fav 25 6506 953
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

Fav 48 2120 6244
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

Fav 20 6457 1282
share tweet
(661): View more from California

Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

(1-661): View more from California

What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

Fav 51 31569 1785
share tweet