Texts From Last Night · tmalkan's Favorites

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tmalkan's Favorites Texts:

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(661): View more from California

Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?

Fav 1 433 668
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.

Fav 6 985 497
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(406): View more from Montana

Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband

Fav 4 1566 394
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(801): View more from Utah

I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself

Fav 3 599 423
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(313): View more from Michigan

Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

Fav 2 517 837
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.

Fav 0 606 457
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(615): View more from Tennessee

He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?

Fav 0 636 406
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.

Fav 0 1039 409
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