I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
