Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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