I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
