There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
