Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
