you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
