I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
