oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
