I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
