how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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