Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
