I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
