You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My vagina is officially offended.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
