How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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