She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
