We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
