My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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