he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
