I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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