I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
