I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
