i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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