We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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