i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
