I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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