Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
